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What's In a Kiss?

Helping Couples Decode the Language of Their Sexuality

David Schnarch • 1/18/2018

By David Schnarch - Over the years, I've worked with many couples who complain bitterly that the other kisses or touches, fondles, caresses, strokes the "wrong" way. These couples need to understand that the ways they show physical affection is a remarkably salient and authentic expression of themselves and their feelings for each other.

Daily Blog
Copyright:
10/4/2016
Authors:
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
PAT LOVE, ED.D.
 
HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D.
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
RICHARD SIMON, PH.D.
Product:
NRS001142
Type:
$389.99 USD     $199.99

Mind-Mapping: The Spark in Couples Conflict?

David Schnarch Explains How to Look for Mind-Mapping in Therapy

David Schnarch • 6/23/2015

Rather than being triggered by fear, shame, or insecurity, some people do hurtful things with impunity and entitlement to gratify their own needs and wishes. In marriage, they’re engaging in the form of relationship with which they’re most familiar, one that, in fact, they prefer. The key to grasping the roots of this “inner game” is to understand the brain’s ability to map another person’s mind---what I call “mind-mapping. Marriage is inconceivable without some degree of mind-mapping: you need it to understand wants and desires. Of course, it comes in handy if you want to be a good liar, manipulator, or adulterer.

Daily Blog

Restoring Emotional Connection: A Different Sex Therapy

David Schnarch on Great Sex through Emotional Intimacy

David Schnarch • 1/27/2015

Over the years, I've worked with many couples who complain bitterly that the other kisses, touches, fondles, caresses, or strokes the "wrong" way. I used to take these complaints at face value, trying to help the couple solve their problems through various forms of marital bargaining, until I realized that their sexual dissatisfactions didn't stem from ignorance, ineptitude, or a "failure to communicate." Instead of trying to spackle over these normal and typical "dysfunctional" sexual patterns with a heavy coat of how-to lessons, I have learned that it makes much more sense to help the couple analyze their behavior, to look for the meaning of what they were already doing before they focused on changing the mechanics.

Daily Blog

Passionate Marriage

Helping Couples Decode the Language of Their Sexuality

David Schnarch • 10/22/2014

Over the years, I've worked with many couples who complain bitterly that the other kisses or touches, fondles, caresses, strokes the "wrong" way. I used to take these complaints at face value, trying to help the couple solve their problems through various forms of marital bargaining, until I realized that their sexual dissatisfactions didn't stem from ignorance, ineptitude, or a "failure to communicate." Instead of trying to spackle over these normal and typical "dysfunctional" sexual patterns with a heavy coat of how-to lessons, I have learned that it makes much more sense to help the couple analyze their behavior, to look for the meaning of what they were already doing before they focused on changing the mechanics.

Daily Blog

Removing The Masks

Let’s Stop Wasting Time

David Schnarch • 6/22/2014

Conventional therapeutic wisdom aside, people typically don’t hurt each other because they’re out of touch, unable to communicate, or can’t help themselves. All too frequently, they do hurtful things with impunity and entitlement simply to gratify their own needs.

Daily Blog
Copyright:
3/21/2014
Authors:
DANIEL J SIEGEL, M.D.
 
DON MEICHENBAUM, PH.D.
 
BESSEL A VAN DER KOLK, M.D.
 
JANINA FISHER, PH.D.
 
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
SUSAN JOHNSON, ED.D.
 
PETER A. LEVINE, PH.D.
 
DAVID GRAND, PH.D.
 
MARY JO BARRETT, MSW
 
JOHN BRIERE, PH.D.
 
PAT LOVE, ED.D.
 
HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D.
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
MARLENE BEST, PH.D.
 
BARBARA FREDRICKSON, PH.D.
Product:
RVKIT051230
Type:
$589.92 USD     $299.99
Copyright:
3/21/2014
Authors:
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
PAT LOVE, ED.D.
 
HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D.
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
Product:
RNV047020
Copyright:
2/4/2013
Authors:
BARRY W MCCARTHY, PHD, ABPP
 
RICHARD C. SCHWARTZ, PHD
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
 
KATY BUTLER, MA
Product:
NRC095553
Copyright:
2/4/2013
Authors:
ESTHER PEREL, MA, LMFT
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
KATY BUTLER, MA
Product:
NRC095552
Page 1 of 2 (13 Items)
Copyright:
10/4/2016
Authors:
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
PAT LOVE, ED.D.
 
HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D.
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
RICHARD SIMON, PH.D.
Product:
NRS001142
Type:
$389.99 USD     $199.99
Copyright:
3/21/2014
Authors:
DANIEL J SIEGEL, M.D.
 
DON MEICHENBAUM, PH.D.
 
BESSEL A VAN DER KOLK, M.D.
 
JANINA FISHER, PH.D.
 
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
SUSAN JOHNSON, ED.D.
 
PETER A. LEVINE, PH.D.
 
DAVID GRAND, PH.D.
 
MARY JO BARRETT, MSW
 
JOHN BRIERE, PH.D.
 
PAT LOVE, ED.D.
 
HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D.
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
MARLENE BEST, PH.D.
 
BARBARA FREDRICKSON, PH.D.
Product:
RVKIT051230
Type:
$589.92 USD     $299.99
Copyright:
3/21/2014
Authors:
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
PAT LOVE, ED.D.
 
HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D.
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
Product:
RNV047020
Copyright:
2/4/2013
Authors:
BARRY W MCCARTHY, PHD, ABPP
 
RICHARD C. SCHWARTZ, PHD
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
 
KATY BUTLER, MA
Product:
NRC095553
Copyright:
2/4/2013
Authors:
ESTHER PEREL, MA, LMFT
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
KATY BUTLER, MA
Product:
NRC095552
Page 1 of 1 (5 Items)

What's In a Kiss?

Helping Couples Decode the Language of Their Sexuality

David Schnarch • 1/18/2018

By David Schnarch - Over the years, I've worked with many couples who complain bitterly that the other kisses or touches, fondles, caresses, strokes the "wrong" way. These couples need to understand that the ways they show physical affection is a remarkably salient and authentic expression of themselves and their feelings for each other.

Daily Blog

Mind-Mapping: The Spark in Couples Conflict?

David Schnarch Explains How to Look for Mind-Mapping in Therapy

David Schnarch • 6/23/2015

Rather than being triggered by fear, shame, or insecurity, some people do hurtful things with impunity and entitlement to gratify their own needs and wishes. In marriage, they’re engaging in the form of relationship with which they’re most familiar, one that, in fact, they prefer. The key to grasping the roots of this “inner game” is to understand the brain’s ability to map another person’s mind---what I call “mind-mapping. Marriage is inconceivable without some degree of mind-mapping: you need it to understand wants and desires. Of course, it comes in handy if you want to be a good liar, manipulator, or adulterer.

Daily Blog

Restoring Emotional Connection: A Different Sex Therapy

David Schnarch on Great Sex through Emotional Intimacy

David Schnarch • 1/27/2015

Over the years, I've worked with many couples who complain bitterly that the other kisses, touches, fondles, caresses, or strokes the "wrong" way. I used to take these complaints at face value, trying to help the couple solve their problems through various forms of marital bargaining, until I realized that their sexual dissatisfactions didn't stem from ignorance, ineptitude, or a "failure to communicate." Instead of trying to spackle over these normal and typical "dysfunctional" sexual patterns with a heavy coat of how-to lessons, I have learned that it makes much more sense to help the couple analyze their behavior, to look for the meaning of what they were already doing before they focused on changing the mechanics.

Daily Blog

Passionate Marriage

Helping Couples Decode the Language of Their Sexuality

David Schnarch • 10/22/2014

Over the years, I've worked with many couples who complain bitterly that the other kisses or touches, fondles, caresses, strokes the "wrong" way. I used to take these complaints at face value, trying to help the couple solve their problems through various forms of marital bargaining, until I realized that their sexual dissatisfactions didn't stem from ignorance, ineptitude, or a "failure to communicate." Instead of trying to spackle over these normal and typical "dysfunctional" sexual patterns with a heavy coat of how-to lessons, I have learned that it makes much more sense to help the couple analyze their behavior, to look for the meaning of what they were already doing before they focused on changing the mechanics.

Daily Blog

Removing The Masks

Let’s Stop Wasting Time

David Schnarch • 6/22/2014

Conventional therapeutic wisdom aside, people typically don’t hurt each other because they’re out of touch, unable to communicate, or can’t help themselves. All too frequently, they do hurtful things with impunity and entitlement simply to gratify their own needs.

Daily Blog
Page 1 of 1 (5 Items)

Removing The Masks

Let’s Stop Wasting Time

David Schnarch • 11/1/2011

Conventional therapeutic wisdom aside, people typically don’t hurt each other because they’re out of touch, unable to communicate, or can’t help themselves. All too frequently, they do hurtful things with impunity and entitlement simply to gratify their own needs.


Magazine Article

Passionate Marriage

Helping Couples Decode the Language of Their Sexuality

David Schnarch • 12/30/2008


Magazine Article

Inside the Sexual Crucible

The Thrill of Connection Opens Us to the Terror of Loss and Pain

David Schnarch • 3/1/1993

For most married people, the magnetic force that drew them together in the first place has so weakened that marriage has become almost synonymous with sexual ennui. Indeed, the withering away of eroticism in marriage, particularly as spouses age, is apparently so widespread in our society that it's commonly rationalized as normal, if not actually desirable. But whether defined by the sex therapy establishment as "functional" or "dysfunctional," people complaining of a loss of the vital sense of connection they once knew often are deathly afraid of the very intimacy and eroticism they're craving.

Magazine Article
Page 1 of 1 (3 Items)
David Schnarch, PhD, director of the Crucible Institute, is the author of Intimacy & Desire,Passionate Marriage, and Constructing the Sexual Crucible.