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Healing After Betrayal

It Takes These Two Therapeutic Approaches

Steven Stosny • 4/18/2019

By Steven Stosny - Intimate betrayal strikes at the core of our capacity to trust and love, violating the fundamental expectation that gives us the courage to connect deeply—the belief that the person we love won’t intentionally hurt us. This requires therapists to reach a balance between validating their clients’ pain and empowering them to improve their lives.

Daily Blog

Why Most Men Don't Open Up in Couples Therapy

A Boot Camp Approach That Makes Men the Partners They Want to Be

Steven Stosny • 2/8/2018

By Steven Stosny - Men don't dislike therapy because they might have to talk like women or adopt feminine sensibilities: what they hate is that therapy forces them to experience that most heinous emotional state to a man—feeling like a failure. I've developed what I call "boot camp" couples therapy—a tough, concentrated format that men seem to prefer to drawn-out weekly therapy with no conclusion in sight.

Daily Blog

Transforming Anger into Compassion

A Five-Step Process for Dealing with Angry Clients

Steven Stosny • 10/5/2017

By Steven Stosny - Some therapists find themselves getting extremely reactive when clients lose their temper. Here's what you can do to better control your anger and anxiety in the presence of an angry client.

Daily Blog

Men in Couples Therapy Don't Want Your Validation

Helping Men Commit to Change Means Tapping into a Biological Imperative

Steven Stosny • 10/20/2016

By Steven Stosny -  For men to engage in the hard work of change, the rewards have to be automatic and visceral, independent of the artificial environment of the therapist's office and vague therapeutic concepts. If you listen long enough to men talking about what it means to love, you'll notice that loving is inextricably linked, for many men, to some form of protection. If men can't feel successful at protecting, they can't fully love.

Daily Blog

Moving Beyond Resentment

How to Help Clients Get Past Old Wounds

Steven Stosny • 1/8/2016

Most resentful people drag a long chain of bitterness through life. Since resentment can greatly distort thinking through oversimplification, confirmation bias, inability to grasp other perspectives, and impaired reality-testing, it often becomes a worldview. The initial challenge of treating those afflicted with chronic resentment is to strike a balance between validation and empowerment. While memories of past maltreatment may never go away, clients can learn to experience them as white noise, like the background hum of an air conditioner, as they build more value and meaning in their daily lives.

Daily Blog

In Consultation

Breaking the Chain of Resentment: How to Help Clients Move Past Old Wounds

Steven Stosny • 11/18/2015

How do you strike a balance between validation and empowerment in helping those afflicted with chronic resentment?

Magazine Article

The Problem with ‘Christmas Carol’ Therapy

Debunking the Myth of Instant Transformation

Steven Stosny • 11/12/2013

I began clinical practice some 25 years ago, firmly committed to what might be called Christmas Carol therapy. I secretly believed that change for every client was always a transformational session away.

Daily Blog

Blue-Collar Therapy

The Nitty-Gritty of Lasting Change

Steven Stosny • 11/5/2013

Changes in the habitual attitudes and behaviors that shape our lives rarely happen as the result of psychological epiphanies or emotional catharsis. Most therapeutic progress comes from the painstaking process of continual practice that reinforces some behaviors while actively discouraging others.

Magazine Article

Case Study

Life After Betrayal: Getting Past the Victim Identity

Steven Stosny • 7/1/2013

When working with clients who’ve experienced an intimate betrayal, it’s important to empower them to move beyond a victim identity.

Magazine Article
Copyright:
4/1/2012
Authors:
JANINA FISHER, PH.D.
 
MARY JO BARRETT, MSW
 
MARTHA STRAUS, PH.D.
 
STEVEN STOSNY, PH.D.
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
 
JOYANNA SILBERG, PHD
 
NOEL LARSON, PH.D., MSW
Product:
NRC095792
Page 1 of 2 (13 Items)
Copyright:
4/1/2012
Authors:
JANINA FISHER, PH.D.
 
MARY JO BARRETT, MSW
 
MARTHA STRAUS, PH.D.
 
STEVEN STOSNY, PH.D.
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
 
JOYANNA SILBERG, PHD
 
NOEL LARSON, PH.D., MSW
Product:
NRC095792
Page 1 of 1

Healing After Betrayal

It Takes These Two Therapeutic Approaches

Steven Stosny • 4/18/2019

By Steven Stosny - Intimate betrayal strikes at the core of our capacity to trust and love, violating the fundamental expectation that gives us the courage to connect deeply—the belief that the person we love won’t intentionally hurt us. This requires therapists to reach a balance between validating their clients’ pain and empowering them to improve their lives.

Daily Blog

Why Most Men Don't Open Up in Couples Therapy

A Boot Camp Approach That Makes Men the Partners They Want to Be

Steven Stosny • 2/8/2018

By Steven Stosny - Men don't dislike therapy because they might have to talk like women or adopt feminine sensibilities: what they hate is that therapy forces them to experience that most heinous emotional state to a man—feeling like a failure. I've developed what I call "boot camp" couples therapy—a tough, concentrated format that men seem to prefer to drawn-out weekly therapy with no conclusion in sight.

Daily Blog

Transforming Anger into Compassion

A Five-Step Process for Dealing with Angry Clients

Steven Stosny • 10/5/2017

By Steven Stosny - Some therapists find themselves getting extremely reactive when clients lose their temper. Here's what you can do to better control your anger and anxiety in the presence of an angry client.

Daily Blog

Men in Couples Therapy Don't Want Your Validation

Helping Men Commit to Change Means Tapping into a Biological Imperative

Steven Stosny • 10/20/2016

By Steven Stosny -  For men to engage in the hard work of change, the rewards have to be automatic and visceral, independent of the artificial environment of the therapist's office and vague therapeutic concepts. If you listen long enough to men talking about what it means to love, you'll notice that loving is inextricably linked, for many men, to some form of protection. If men can't feel successful at protecting, they can't fully love.

Daily Blog

Moving Beyond Resentment

How to Help Clients Get Past Old Wounds

Steven Stosny • 1/8/2016

Most resentful people drag a long chain of bitterness through life. Since resentment can greatly distort thinking through oversimplification, confirmation bias, inability to grasp other perspectives, and impaired reality-testing, it often becomes a worldview. The initial challenge of treating those afflicted with chronic resentment is to strike a balance between validation and empowerment. While memories of past maltreatment may never go away, clients can learn to experience them as white noise, like the background hum of an air conditioner, as they build more value and meaning in their daily lives.

Daily Blog

The Problem with ‘Christmas Carol’ Therapy

Debunking the Myth of Instant Transformation

Steven Stosny • 11/12/2013

I began clinical practice some 25 years ago, firmly committed to what might be called Christmas Carol therapy. I secretly believed that change for every client was always a transformational session away.

Daily Blog
Page 1 of 1 (6 Items)

In Consultation

Breaking the Chain of Resentment: How to Help Clients Move Past Old Wounds

Steven Stosny • 11/18/2015

How do you strike a balance between validation and empowerment in helping those afflicted with chronic resentment?

Magazine Article

Blue-Collar Therapy

The Nitty-Gritty of Lasting Change

Steven Stosny • 11/5/2013

Changes in the habitual attitudes and behaviors that shape our lives rarely happen as the result of psychological epiphanies or emotional catharsis. Most therapeutic progress comes from the painstaking process of continual practice that reinforces some behaviors while actively discouraging others.

Magazine Article

Case Study

Life After Betrayal: Getting Past the Victim Identity

Steven Stosny • 7/1/2013

When working with clients who’ve experienced an intimate betrayal, it’s important to empower them to move beyond a victim identity.

Magazine Article

Lions Without a Cause

Men's animal instincts don't fit the modern world

Steven Stosny • 5/1/2010

Let's face it: love means something quite different to men and women. A look at other species of social mammals offers some remarkable insights into the biological underpinnings of this difference.

Magazine Article

In Consultation

Old Habits Die Hard: Making couples therapy stick

Steven Stosny • 1/1/2010

It's one thing to make change happen in a couples session; it's quick another to make those changes tick over time.

Magazine Article

Case Studies

Male-Friendly Couples Counseling: Finding love beyond words

Steven Stosny • 3/1/2009

To do successful couples therapy, it's crucial to understand how to make our methods more male-friendly.

Magazine Article
Page 1 of 1 (6 Items)
Steven Stosny, PhD, is the director of Compassion Power. He’s the author of Living and Loving after Betrayal and Love without Hurt, and the coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about it.