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Working with Difficult Men

Where’s the Leverage for Change?

Terry Real • 7/3/2019

The conflict between an older, more traditional view of masculinity and a newer, more progressive one is the underlying issue in many marriages today. Helping these couples means violating many of the fundamental principles in the traditional therapy playbook.

Magazine Article

Neutrality Is Sabotaging Couples Therapy

How Taking Sides Gets to the Heart of Conflict

Terry Real • 7/1/2019

By Terry Real - My own experience as a couples therapist has taught me that we aren't doing clients a favor by soft-pedaling difficult issues. More than adopting any particular methodology of change, we can be far more direct and challenging to clients who come to us than we've previously acknowledged. By and large, people are neither fragile nor stupid. If you show them how they're getting in their own way and what behaving more skillfully looks like, they'll be grateful.

Daily Blog
Terry Real on Working with Narcissists, Bullies, Boy-Men and Avoidants
Copyright:
4/11/2019
Authors:
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
RICHARD SIMON, PH.D.
Product:
NRS001308
Type:
$459.97 USD     $259.99

Getting Real in Couples Therapy

Ignoring the Destructive Patterns in Front of Us Does Our Clients a Disservice

Terry Real • 4/4/2019

By Terry Real - It's disrespectful to clients not to let them in on the truth about what we witness regularly in our offices as they play out their relationships in front of us: the ways they deal with their partners are often self-centered, unfeeling, and counterproductive. I believe that in order to teach our clients how to be authentic and connected, we must be real with them ourselves.

Daily Blog

The Resurgence of Patriarchy

Why We Need to Leave Neutrality Behind

Terry Real • 10/9/2018

By Terry Real - Factions of men and women these days are feeling a powerful pull toward many of the notions of traditional masculinity. What we’re witnessing is a reassertion of its most difficult and harmful traits. And yet we psychotherapists, as a field, have remained largely silent about this resurgence. Is neutrality in these times really in our clients’ best interests?

Daily Blog

VIDEO: Terry Real Shares His Most Memorable Therapeutic Moment

The Found and the Lost

Terry Real • 3/7/2018

Many people wonder how therapists manage to do the work they do. Of the thousands of meaningful sessions that take place in a therapist’s office, certain ones stand out. In the following video from the 2016 Symposium, renowned couples therapist Terry Real shares a memorable moment from his own work.

Daily Blog
How Infant Attachment Security Affects Adult Relationships
Copyright:
1/17/2018
Authors:
LINDA CURRAN, BCPC, LPC, CACD, CCDPD
 
BESSEL A VAN DER KOLK, M.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
DIANE POOLE HELLER, PHD
 
SUSAN JOHNSON, ED.D.
 
PETER A. LEVINE, PH.D.
 
GABOR MATÉ, MD
 
LISA FERENTZ, LCSW-C, DAPA
 
LOUIS COZOLINO, PH.D.
 
LANCE DODES, M.D.
 
MARY LOU SCHACK
Product:
RNV053885

Should You Take Sides in Couples Therapy?

Why Psychotherapy's Views on Male Intimacy Need to Change

Terry Real • 12/1/2017

By Terry Real - The pressure to be hard, logical, independent, and stoic all too often sets men up to be emotionally distant, arrogant, and numb to their own feelings. These aren't pathological aberrations; they're the defining characteristics of manhood in our culture. That's why I break one of marital therapy's cardinal rules. I side with the woman.

Daily Blog
NEW Live Clinical Demonstrations with Real Couples
Copyright:
9/21/2017
Author:
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
Product:
RNV048722

The Long Shadow of Patriarchy

Couples Therapy in the Age of Trump

Terry Real • 9/7/2017

The election of Donald Trump and the resurgence of populism throughout the West were fueled by a renewed pull toward certain notions of traditional masculinity. Although therapists have remained largely silent about this revival of patriarchy in the culture, is neutrality really in the best interests of our clients?

Magazine Article
Page 1 of 3 (24 Items)
Terry Real on Working with Narcissists, Bullies, Boy-Men and Avoidants
Copyright:
4/11/2019
Authors:
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
RICHARD SIMON, PH.D.
Product:
NRS001308
Type:
$459.97 USD     $259.99
How Infant Attachment Security Affects Adult Relationships
Copyright:
1/17/2018
Authors:
LINDA CURRAN, BCPC, LPC, CACD, CCDPD
 
BESSEL A VAN DER KOLK, M.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
DIANE POOLE HELLER, PHD
 
SUSAN JOHNSON, ED.D.
 
PETER A. LEVINE, PH.D.
 
GABOR MATÉ, MD
 
LISA FERENTZ, LCSW-C, DAPA
 
LOUIS COZOLINO, PH.D.
 
LANCE DODES, M.D.
 
MARY LOU SCHACK
Product:
RNV053885
NEW Live Clinical Demonstrations with Real Couples
Copyright:
9/21/2017
Author:
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
Product:
RNV048722
Proven approaches for attachment issues, addiction, abuse & more
Copyright:
6/20/2017
Authors:
DANIEL J SIEGEL, M.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
SUSAN JOHNSON, ED.D.
 
KATHRYN RHEEM, ED.D., LMFT
 
TAMMY NELSON, PH.D.
 
MICHAEL BARNETT, MA, EDS, LPC
Product:
NRS001192
Type:
$649.94 USD     $299.99
When Is Enough Enough?
Copyright:
3/25/2017
Author:
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
Product:
RNV052870
Copyright:
10/4/2016
Authors:
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
PAT LOVE, ED.D.
 
HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D.
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
RICHARD SIMON, PH.D.
Product:
NRS001142
Type:
$389.99 USD     $199.99
Navigating New Norms about Intimacy, Sexuality, Personal Freedom and the Purpose of Marriage
Copyright:
7/1/2015
Authors:
JOHN M. GOTTMAN, PH.D.
 
JULIE GOTTMAN, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
WILLIAM DOHERTY, PH.D.
 
ESTHER PEREL, MA, LMFT
 
TAMMY NELSON, PH.D.
 
RICHARD SIMON, PH.D.
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
 
SUZANNE IASENZA, PH.D.
 
STEVEN L JOHNSON, JD
Product:
NRC095867
Copyright:
4/17/2015
Authors:
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
ESTHER PEREL, MA, LMFT
Product:
RNV048415
Copyright:
3/21/2014
Authors:
DANIEL J SIEGEL, M.D.
 
DON MEICHENBAUM, PH.D.
 
BESSEL A VAN DER KOLK, M.D.
 
JANINA FISHER, PH.D.
 
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
SUSAN JOHNSON, ED.D.
 
PETER A. LEVINE, PH.D.
 
DAVID GRAND, PH.D.
 
MARY JO BARRETT, MSW
 
JOHN BRIERE, PH.D.
 
PAT LOVE, ED.D.
 
HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D.
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
MARLENE BEST, PH.D.
 
BARBARA FREDRICKSON, PH.D.
Product:
RVKIT051230
Type:
$589.92 USD     $299.99
Copyright:
3/21/2014
Authors:
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
PAT LOVE, ED.D.
 
HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D.
 
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
Product:
RNV047020
Page 1 of 2 (11 Items)

Neutrality Is Sabotaging Couples Therapy

How Taking Sides Gets to the Heart of Conflict

Terry Real • 7/1/2019

By Terry Real - My own experience as a couples therapist has taught me that we aren't doing clients a favor by soft-pedaling difficult issues. More than adopting any particular methodology of change, we can be far more direct and challenging to clients who come to us than we've previously acknowledged. By and large, people are neither fragile nor stupid. If you show them how they're getting in their own way and what behaving more skillfully looks like, they'll be grateful.

Daily Blog

Getting Real in Couples Therapy

Ignoring the Destructive Patterns in Front of Us Does Our Clients a Disservice

Terry Real • 4/4/2019

By Terry Real - It's disrespectful to clients not to let them in on the truth about what we witness regularly in our offices as they play out their relationships in front of us: the ways they deal with their partners are often self-centered, unfeeling, and counterproductive. I believe that in order to teach our clients how to be authentic and connected, we must be real with them ourselves.

Daily Blog

The Resurgence of Patriarchy

Why We Need to Leave Neutrality Behind

Terry Real • 10/9/2018

By Terry Real - Factions of men and women these days are feeling a powerful pull toward many of the notions of traditional masculinity. What we’re witnessing is a reassertion of its most difficult and harmful traits. And yet we psychotherapists, as a field, have remained largely silent about this resurgence. Is neutrality in these times really in our clients’ best interests?

Daily Blog

VIDEO: Terry Real Shares His Most Memorable Therapeutic Moment

The Found and the Lost

Terry Real • 3/7/2018

Many people wonder how therapists manage to do the work they do. Of the thousands of meaningful sessions that take place in a therapist’s office, certain ones stand out. In the following video from the 2016 Symposium, renowned couples therapist Terry Real shares a memorable moment from his own work.

Daily Blog

Should You Take Sides in Couples Therapy?

Why Psychotherapy's Views on Male Intimacy Need to Change

Terry Real • 12/1/2017

By Terry Real - The pressure to be hard, logical, independent, and stoic all too often sets men up to be emotionally distant, arrogant, and numb to their own feelings. These aren't pathological aberrations; they're the defining characteristics of manhood in our culture. That's why I break one of marital therapy's cardinal rules. I side with the woman.

Daily Blog

Rowing to Nowhere

When is Enough Enough?

Terry Real • 10/21/2015

We spend countless hours focused on how best to keep couples together, but rarely pay much attention to how to best help them split up. And we spend even less time examining how our own emotional reactions can influence their decision about whether to divorce.

Daily Blog

Putting Divorce on the Table in Couples Therapy

How to Tell When Splitting Up is the Best Option for a Failing Marriage

Terry Real • 7/10/2015

Some marriages' endings have broken my heart, made me look hard at my technique, and wonder what I might have done differently. But when I believed the couple, the therapy, and even the children were better served by the partners’ letting go, I’ve breathed a sigh of relief. In other words, I don’t see my job as stitching every couple together no matter what. Sometimes, in fact, my job turns out not to be forestalling the dissolution of a family, but facilitating it.

Daily Blog
Page 1 of 1 (7 Items)

Working with Difficult Men

Where’s the Leverage for Change?

Terry Real • 7/3/2019

The conflict between an older, more traditional view of masculinity and a newer, more progressive one is the underlying issue in many marriages today. Helping these couples means violating many of the fundamental principles in the traditional therapy playbook.

Magazine Article

The Long Shadow of Patriarchy

Couples Therapy in the Age of Trump

Terry Real • 9/7/2017

The election of Donald Trump and the resurgence of populism throughout the West were fueled by a renewed pull toward certain notions of traditional masculinity. Although therapists have remained largely silent about this revival of patriarchy in the culture, is neutrality really in the best interests of our clients?

Magazine Article

Rowing to Nowhere

When is Enough Enough?

Terry Real • 7/1/2015

We spend countless hours focused on how best to keep couples together, but rarely pay much attention to how to best help them split up. And we spend even less time examining how our own emotional reactions can influence their decision about whether to divorce.

Magazine Article

Joining Through The Truth

Coaching and Our Assumptions

Terry Real • 11/1/2012

A new breed of therapist believes that it’s disrespectful not to say to clients displaying obnoxious, selfish, or self-defeating behaviors what traditionalists might only share in a supervision group.

Magazine Article

A Matter Of Choice

Deciding: to be Right or be Married?

Terry Real • 11/1/2011

Do you want to be right or be married? Okay, now pause, think, breathe . . . and choose between First Consciousness and Second Consciousness.


Magazine Article

The Awful Truth

Most Men Are Just Not Raised to be Intimate

Terry Real • 11/1/2002

After the publication of my book, I Don't Want to Talk about It, I started getting calls from people around the United States who wanted help. Naming the issue of "covert depression" in men seemed to have struck a chord. Some of the calls were from men, but most were from women who were at the end of their rope, having already dragged their partners to therapy, veterans of at least one, most often several, failed courses of couples work.

Magazine Article
Page 1 of 1 (6 Items)
Terry Real, LICSW, is an Internationally Recognized Family Therapist, Speaker and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology.

A family therapist and teacher for more than 25 years, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House). Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy – and greater personal fulfillment.

A senior faculty member of the Family Institute of Cambridge in Massachusetts and a retired Clinical Fellow of the Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists. Through his books, the Institute, and workshops around the country, Terry helps women and men, parents and non-parents, to help them create the connection they desire in their relationships.

Terry’s work, with its rigorous commonsense approach, speaks to both men and women. His ideas on men’s issues and on couple’s therapy have been celebrated in venues from “Good Morning America”, “The Today Show” and “20/20”, to “Oprah” and The New York Times.

A proponent of “full-throttle marriage,” as described in The New Rules of Marriage, Terry has been called “the most innovative voice in thinking about and treating men and their relationships in the world today.”

The New York Times book review described Terry’s work as: “A critical contribution to feminist psychology (that) brings the Men’s movement a significant step forward.” Robert Bly hailed it as “moving onto new ground in both story and song. Exhilarating in its honesty.”

Terry’s Relational Life Institute grew out of his extensive and empathic experience. He teaches people how to make their relationships work by providing products and services designed to teach the principles of Relational Life™, so that everyone can enjoy full respect living and craft a healthy life legacy.