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Words That Haunt

Helping Couples Work Through Old Character Attacks

Ellen Wachtel • 5/23/2019

By Ellen Wachtel - I used to believe that if a couple was getting along and behaving in a loving way to one another, hurtful and even cruel words would naturally fade into the background. But I’ve frequently seen couples in which hurt spouses may forgive their partner for the harsh words spoken in anger, but nonetheless remain haunted by some biting comment that continues to sting long after the argument is over.

Daily Blog

Case Study

Storm Damage: Angry Words Can Sink a Relationship

Ellen Wachtel • 3/7/2019

Even though partners may forgive each other after a heated argument, the hurtful words that were hurled can be haunting nonetheless.

Magazine Article

Making Partners Therapists for Each Other

In a Good Relationship, Your Problems Aren't Yours Alone

Ellen Wachtel • 8/10/2018

By Ellen Wachtel - In couples therapy, if we can help each partner be a better therapist for the other, all three of us can feel more helpful and effective. My favorite way is to start by using a particular exercise to provide a window into each partner’s psyche.

Daily Blog

In Consultation

Becoming a Therapist for Each Other: How to Deepen Couples Therapy

Ellen Wachtel • 7/6/2018

How to address one partner’s long-term issues in couples therapy without derailing work on the current relationship.

Magazine Article

Couples Therapy with a Positive Spin

How to Accomplish Something in Every Session

Ellen Wachtel • 3/2/2018

By Ellen Wachtel - Doing couples therapy isn’t easy. But often there are implicit positives in statements in which the main point is anger, disappointment, and hurt. With practice, therapists can learn to pick up on the strengths that are embedded in painful emotions.

Daily Blog
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Words That Haunt

Helping Couples Work Through Old Character Attacks

Ellen Wachtel • 5/23/2019

By Ellen Wachtel - I used to believe that if a couple was getting along and behaving in a loving way to one another, hurtful and even cruel words would naturally fade into the background. But I’ve frequently seen couples in which hurt spouses may forgive their partner for the harsh words spoken in anger, but nonetheless remain haunted by some biting comment that continues to sting long after the argument is over.

Daily Blog

Making Partners Therapists for Each Other

In a Good Relationship, Your Problems Aren't Yours Alone

Ellen Wachtel • 8/10/2018

By Ellen Wachtel - In couples therapy, if we can help each partner be a better therapist for the other, all three of us can feel more helpful and effective. My favorite way is to start by using a particular exercise to provide a window into each partner’s psyche.

Daily Blog

Couples Therapy with a Positive Spin

How to Accomplish Something in Every Session

Ellen Wachtel • 3/2/2018

By Ellen Wachtel - Doing couples therapy isn’t easy. But often there are implicit positives in statements in which the main point is anger, disappointment, and hurt. With practice, therapists can learn to pick up on the strengths that are embedded in painful emotions.

Daily Blog
Page 1 of 1 (3 Items)

Case Study

Storm Damage: Angry Words Can Sink a Relationship

Ellen Wachtel • 3/7/2019

Even though partners may forgive each other after a heated argument, the hurtful words that were hurled can be haunting nonetheless.

Magazine Article

In Consultation

Becoming a Therapist for Each Other: How to Deepen Couples Therapy

Ellen Wachtel • 7/6/2018

How to address one partner’s long-term issues in couples therapy without derailing work on the current relationship.

Magazine Article
Page 1 of 1 (2 Items)
Ellen Wachtel, JD, PhD, is in private practice and gives workshops at home and abroad. She’s the author of We Love Each Other But … as well as a new book for therapists, The Heart of Couple Therapy: Knowing What to Do and How to Do It.