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Why Most Men Don't Open Up in Couples Therapy

A Boot Camp Approach That Makes Men the Partners They Want to Be

Steven Stosny • 2/8/2018 • No Comments

By Steven Stosny - Men don't dislike therapy because they might have to talk like women or adopt feminine sensibilities: what they hate is that therapy forces them to experience that most heinous emotional state to a man—feeling like a failure. I've developed what I call "boot camp" couples therapy—a tough, concentrated format that men seem to prefer to drawn-out weekly therapy with no conclusion in sight.

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Transforming Anger into Compassion

A Five-Step Process for Dealing with Angry Clients

Steven Stosny • 10/5/2017 • No Comments

By Steven Stosny - Some therapists find themselves getting extremely reactive when clients lose their temper. Here's what you can do to better control your anger and anxiety in the presence of an angry client.

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Men in Couples Therapy Don't Want Your Validation

Helping Men Commit to Change Means Tapping into a Biological Imperative

Steven Stosny • 10/20/2016 • 3 Comments

By Steven Stosny -  For men to engage in the hard work of change, the rewards have to be automatic and visceral, independent of the artificial environment of the therapist's office and vague therapeutic concepts. If you listen long enough to men talking about what it means to love, you'll notice that loving is inextricably linked, for many men, to some form of protection. If men can't feel successful at protecting, they can't fully love.

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Creating a Healing Identity After Betrayal

Striking a Balance Between Validation and Empowerment

Steven Stosny • 7/14/2016 • No Comments

By Steven Stosny - Intimate betrayal strikes at the core of our capacity to trust and love, violating the fundamental expectation that gives us the courage to connect deeply—the belief that the person we love won’t intentionally hurt us. This requires therapists to reach a balance between validating their clients’ pain and empowering them to improve their lives.

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Moving Beyond Resentment

How to Help Clients Get Past Old Wounds

Steven Stosny • 1/8/2016 • 1 Comment

Most resentful people drag a long chain of bitterness through life. Since resentment can greatly distort thinking through oversimplification, confirmation bias, inability to grasp other perspectives, and impaired reality-testing, it often becomes a worldview. The initial challenge of treating those afflicted with chronic resentment is to strike a balance between validation and empowerment. While memories of past maltreatment may never go away, clients can learn to experience them as white noise, like the background hum of an air conditioner, as they build more value and meaning in their daily lives.

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The Problem with ‘Christmas Carol’ Therapy

Debunking the Myth of Instant Transformation

Steven Stosny • 11/12/2013 • 9 Comments

I began clinical practice some 25 years ago, firmly committed to what might be called Christmas Carol therapy. I secretly believed that change for every client was always a transformational session away.

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