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How Commitment Really Works

The Two Most Common Mistakes Struggling Couples Make

Gay Hendricks • 12/19/2017 • 1 Comment

By Gay Hendricks - Therapists who understand and apply two concepts about commitment—that the results you get reveal the actual commitment you've made, and to make a change in a relationship, each participant must take 100 percent responsibility for the current situation—can eliminate a great deal of energy-draining work in the treatment of couples.

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VIDEO: Bill Doherty on the Rewards of Civic Commitment

Creating Space for a Conversation About Civic Commitments

William Doherty • 10/25/2017 • No Comments

Sometimes our clients have commitments to groups or causes that enrich their lives and social connections. But very often, says couples therapist Bill Doherty, therapists don't inquire about these elements of our clients' lives. In fact, he adds, there seems to be a bias against doing so. In the following clip from his 2017 Networker Symposium Keynote address, Doherty explains how exploring civic commitments can also advance therapy.

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VIDEO: Esther Perel on the New Rules of Love and Commitment

How Boomers Shaped Millennial Romance

Esther Perel • 10/4/2017 • 1 Comment

Couples therapist Esther Perel has been recognized as one of the world’s most original and insightful thinkers about couples, sexuality, and the peculiar paradoxes besetting modern marriage in the Western world. In this clip from her Networker Symposium keynote, she talks about the complicated and contradictory needs that are shaping Millennial marriage and commitment today.

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The Two Essential Ingredients for a Loving, Long-Lasting Relationship

John Gottman Shares the Latest Research from his Love Lab

John Gottman • 1/16/2017 • No Comments

By John Gottman - What the latest research from my lab is telling us is that trust and commitment are both the key ingredients for being in love with your partner for a lifetime, and for having your marriage be a safe haven. These are the ingredients for not just loving your partner, but being in love with your partner.

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Psychotherapy's Role in the Wider World

Bill Doherty Makes the Case for a Connected/Committed Self

William Doherty • 1/9/2017 • No Comments

By William Doherty - At this time of fragmentation and division, therapists need to recognize that we’re in the glue business. We know something about helping people connect, about how to form a healthy “we” out of self and other. But first our society needs us to recover our conviction and passionate intensity as a profession, our belief that we have something to offer beyond symptom reduction.

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How To Become Your Best Self

A Story About Commitment to Changing Your Habits

Katy Butler • 12/30/2016 • No Comments

By Katy Butler - In earlier centuries, before the factory siren drowned out the village church bells, systems of human transformation were embedded within local religious life. Today, in a culture freed from communal rhythms, our habits of the heart are nearly forgotten. In this postmodern world of infinite choice and incoherent structure, what practical steps should we take now to become our best selves?

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The Paradox of Acceptance

Richard Schwartz Shares What Wise Buddhists Have Known for Centuries

Richard Schwartz • 11/1/2016 • 3 Comments

By Richard Schwartz - We normally think of the attachment process as happening between caretakers and young children, but the more you explore how the inner world functions, the more you find that it parallels external relationships, and that we have an inner capacity to extend mindful caretaking to aspects of ourselves that are frozen in time and excluded from our normal consciousness.

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Breaking Free from the Cure Myth

Treating Anxiety and Depression as Chronic Conditions

Margaret Wehrenberg • 8/23/2016 • 2 Comments

By Margaret Wehrenberg - I’ve begun to put aside my idealized view that unless people overcome their difficulties once and for all, therapy is somehow a failure. More and more, that perspective seems simplistic and disconnected from the realities of what psychotherapy can actually provide. In fact, evidence continues to accumulate that many people who have anxiety and depression suffer bouts of it all their lives, even after a good response to therapy.

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Mindfulness Meets Internal Family Systems

Helping Clients Move from Acceptance to Transformation

Richard Schwartz • 6/22/2016 • No Comments

By Richard Schwartz - Many therapeutic attempts to integrate mindfulness help clients notice negative emotions from a place of separation and extend acceptance toward them. But what if it were possible to transform this inner drama, rather than just keep it at arm’s length? The goal of Internal Family Systems (IFS) is to build on this important first step of separating from and accepting these impulses, and then take a second step of helping clients transform them.

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Navigating Modern Relationships with Attachment Science

Susan Johnson on What Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Can Tell Us

Ryan Howes • 7/3/2015 • No Comments

Susan Johnson, the inventor of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), bases her work on the fundamental understanding that teaching communication skills to couples in conflict is like trying to teach the whirlwind how to blow more gently. That's why EFCT is based on the new science of bonding, clarifying people's attachment needs and helping them understand how they trigger each other's deepest fears, then helping them move into interactions where they can more safely bond with each other.

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