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Why We Shouldn't Be Neutral about Divorce

Divorced Couples Are Saying Something Important about Regret

William Doherty • 1/17/2019 • 6 Comments

By William Doherty - When I began my therapy practice, I was strictly neutral about divorce. It was the clients’ decision, not mine. But eventually, I was propelled out of my denial about the seriousness of divorce. We have a hundred ways to ask “What would be right for you?” and hardly any to ask “What would be right for others in your life?”

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Celebrating Singles!

Researcher Bella DePaulo on Keeping Our "Matrimania" in Check

Ryan Howes • 12/20/2018 • 1 Comment

By Ryan Howes - Think of a prototypical healthy adult. Are they married or single? While many studies promote the mental and physical benefits of marriage, long-time singles advocate Bella DePaulo says the reported findings are biased, and we therapists need to better understand the single population as more than people waiting to find the right partner.

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Esther Perel's Secret to Weathering an Affair

Two Ways Couples Who Bounced Back Made It Happen

Esther Perel • 12/11/2018 • 4 Comments

By Esther Perel - For several years, I've been contacting couples I've treated to find out more about the long-term impact of the infidelity that brought them to therapy. What were the useful shock absorbers that sustained the couple? Did they think that therapy had helped? I identified three basic patterns in the way couples reorganize themselves after an infidelity.

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The Courage to Let Go

A Special Story from Our Family Matters Department

Elizabeth Young • 10/4/2018 • No Comments

By Elizabeth Young - A whirlwind romance turns into a troubled relationship.

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The Three Marriages

Poet David Whyte on Our Work and Purpose

David Whyte • 9/21/2018 • 1 Comment

By David Whyte - Human beings are creatures of belonging, and our sense of belonging and not belonging is lived out by most people through three principal dynamics.

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Has Happiness Been Taken Too Far?

Three Reasons Happiness is Sometimes Harmful

Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener • 8/9/2018 • No Comments

By Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener - A common theory holds that happiness is humanity’s natural resting state. But positive emotions and thoughts aren’t always useful. Here are several often overlooked research results about a happy mindset that sound a warning.

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The Nine Personality Types, According to the Enneagram

Are You The Giver, The Performer, The Observer, or Something Else?

David Daniels • 7/13/2018 • 2 Comments

By David Daniels - The typology I’ve found most helpful in organizing my own work and understanding my clients’ lifelong patterns is the Enneagram, a system of personality types. When we can witness our own habit of mind and its repetitive, limiting pattern in a nonjudgmental way with gratitude—which this system facilitates—we gain great leverage in changing our patterns.

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June Quandary: My Client is Moving Overseas to Marry a Man She's Never Met!

Five Clinicians Give Their Take on This Tricky Clinical Scenario

Chris Lyford • 7/3/2018 • 4 Comments

By Chris Lyford - Diane has just announced she intends to move overseas to marry a man she recently met online. This raises an alarm for her therapist, but he's unsure about how to proceed. Here's how five clinicians say they'd tackle the situation.

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Learning to Let Go

Sometimes, Too Much Investment in a Client's Recovery Keeps Everyone Stuck

Daphne de Marneffe • 6/19/2018 • 1 Comment

By Daphne de Marneffe - After decades in practice, I still find myself blindsided by certain clients in ways that both humble and mystify me. I’ve learned that if I’m going to be helpful to these clients, I have to work through something difficult in myself. Our ability to inhabit our clients' experiences is part of what makes us good therapists, but there’s always a delicate balancing act in not getting too involved.

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Is Porn Incompatible with a Loving Relationship?

Talking Frankly About Secrecy, Shame, and New Levels of Intimacy

Joe Kort • 6/19/2018 • 6 Comments

By Joe Kort - Despite the undeniable harm that porn can do, we therapists need to bear in mind a fundamental fact: the overwhelming majority of people exposed to it don't become addicts. To begin to see porn in a more normalizing light, it can be helpful to understand the ways in which porn can be incorporated into a relationship without secretiveness or shame.

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