Product Detail

Drs. John and Julie Gottman on the 10 Core Principles for Effective Couples Therapy
Online Course
$599.98 USD
Product Details
Online Course
CE Available:
Yes, See CE credit tab for complete continuing education details
Product Code:
[+] [-] 052516 - 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy
  1. Incorporate researched-based strategies into clinical practice to help couples improve their relationships
  2. Analyze the strength of couple intimacy and friendship in order to understand how relationship patterns influence love, trust, and conflict management
  3. Utilize resources and tools to help clients enhance friendship and intimacy in their relationship
  4. Examine the role of therapist in improving couple interactions and therapy outcomes, including understanding the collaborative nature of therapy, incorporating research findings, and use of interventions
  5. Provide detailed demonstrations and case studies identifying each of the 10 principles and how to effectively utilize the techniques and interventions with couples
  6. Summarize factors that contribute to affairs in marriage, and analyze the misconceptions about marital infidelity
  7. Identify the Gottman 3 step process in treating affairs to improve clinical outcomes
  8. Describe the implications of the Gottman method of couple’s therapy for addiction, personality disorders, and domestic violence
  9. Examine how to prevent adverse behavior relapse during and after therapy
  10. Teach self-soothing strategies to help manage flooding in couples
  11. Modify treatment strategies for couples who have experienced domestic violence and infidelity
  12. Explore past hurtful couple experiences to reduce their negative impact and help clients move forward together toward improved treatment outcomes.
  13. Articulate clinical strategies that aid in reducing conflict in couples
  14. Facilitate healthy sharing of feeling, active listening, and increased empathy between conflicted partners in session

[+] [-] 052523 - The 10 Principles of Effective Couples Therapy:
  1. Relate Gottmans’ 40 years of research on the dynamics of couples relationships to their principles of effective couples therapeutic assessment and clinical interventions
  2. Breakdown Gottmans’ Sound Relationship House Theory as it relates to achieving desired treatment outcomes
  3. Articulate the principles of effective couples therapy that help to inform the clinician’s choice of treatment interventions
  4. Summarize the components of a comprehensive couples assessment as it relates to clinical case conceptualization
  5. Apply clinical interventions that increase couples’ ability to manage conflict, create intimacy, foster fondness and admiration, and create a positive perspective of their relationship
  6. Teach clients the 5 steps of relationship repair for processing past fights, regrettable incidents or past emotional injuries.

[+] [-] 052516 - 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy
Introduction to Speakers and their Experience
  • Dave Penner interviews John & Julie Gottman
  • Motivations for pursuing couple therapy career
  • Lessons Learned along the way
  • Self-care efforts in work with difficult couples
  • Early Gottman research milestones
Overview of Gottmans’ 10 Principles

Principle 1: Use Researched Based Methods for Doing Couple Therapy
The Importance of Research in Couple Therapy
  • If you can measure it, You can build it
Common Relationship Myths
Limits to Research on Compatibility
Factors that Predict Relationships
  • Predicting Stability
  • Predicting Instability
What Couples Fight About Most
Role of Conflict in Divorce Prediction
  • Not all conflict is the same
Impact of Loss of Admiration
  • Nonverbal indicators of Couple Connection
Domestic Violence in Relationships
  • Characterological: No-Guilt Perpetrator & Fearful Victim
    • Pitbulls: Flooded Violence
    • Cobras: Calculated Violence
  • Situational: Mutual minor violence motivated by a share desire for change
New Research on Treating Affairs

Principle 2: Assess First, Then Decide on Treatment
The Assessment Process
  • Step 1: Obtain a Narrative for Couple Therapy Goals
  • Step 2: Oral Relationship History
  • Step 3: Sample Conflict Discussion
Relationship Checkup Online Assessment
Providing Therapist Feedback on Couple Strengths & Challenges
The Value of Assessment Prior to Treatment
  • Making Assessment Feeling like Therapy
  • Assessments save therapy time
  • Assessments help reveal couple strengths and generate hope
Impact of an Affair on the Assessment
Modifying assessment to short term treatment constraints
Relationship Assessment Questionnaire
  • Active and Engaged Assessment
* Video Case Study (Mike & Marilyn):
  • Marathon Therapy, Oral History

  • Principle 3: Understand each partner’s world
    Determining which partner to see first
    No secrets policies
    • Benefits & Risks
    Identifying when Couple therapy is premature
    Asking about Domestic Violence
    • A nonjudgmental approach to dishonesty
    * Video Case Study:
    • Individual Focus with Partner Present

    Principle 4: Map your Treatment Route
    Preparing to Give Feedback to Couples
    • Review conflict resolution skills
    • Review individual issues they brought into the relationship
    When Partners view their relationship differently
    When One Partner is engaged and the other is checked out
    * Video Case Study: Assessment
    • Co-Morbidities
    • Affair-related PTSD
    Therapist as Holder of Hope
    • Humility & Empirically Based Tools
    Sitting with the Couple’s Truth
    • vs. Changing Couple Perceptions
    Giving Feedback to Couples
    Sound Relationship House
    • Defining the couple’s level
    • Identifying couple progress
    • Providing tools for help and hope
    • Confirming fit with couple’s relationship perception
    Duration of Therapy Process
    * Video Case Study
    • Overview of Atonement, Attunement, Attachment

    Principle 5: Soothe Yourself and then Intervene
    Two Aspects of Soothing
    • Helping Flooded Couples
    • Preventing Flooded Therapists
    Helping Flooded Couples
    • Clinical Role Play
    • Increasing Couple Physiological Self-Awareness
    • Role of Physiology on Relational Dynamics
      • Flooding as Hostility and Helplessness
    • Couple Self-Soothing Strategies
      • Pause the Interaction
      • Designate a Return Time
      • Relaxation Exercises
      • Lower Heart Rate
    Preventing Flooded Therapists
    • Therapist Self-Care Strategies
    • Model Calmness to Couple
    • Utilize Strategic Distractions

    Principle 6: Process Regrettable Incidents
    Managing Conflict: The Aftermath of a fight or regrettable incident
    The Benefit of Processing an Incident to Let Go of the Past
    • Step 1: Sharing Feelings
      • Listening to each other’s Point of View
      • Eliminating Criticism and Blame
    • Step 2: Empathizing, Summarizing, Validating
    • Step 3: Identifying & Expressing Triggers
    • Step 4: Taking Responsibility
      • Beyond “I’m Sorry”
    • Step 5: Moving Forward
      • Doing things differently to avoid repeat experiences
    • The necessity of mutuality
    Confronting the Barrier of Rightness
    • Validation without Agreement
    Addressing Unequal Responsibility
    Recent and Distant Past Conflict Resolution
    Conflict Resolution Modifications
    • Infidelity
    • Characterological Domestic Violence
    * Video Case Study: Attunement
    • Domestic Violence Safety Assessment
    • Nonjudgmental Care and Concern

    Principle 7: Replace the Four Horsemen with Gentle Conflict Management Skills
    How to Replace the 4 Horsemen with Gentle Conflict Management
    • Background of the 4 Horsemen
    • Ratio of Positive to Negative as Predictor of the Future of the Relationship
    Power of Emotions
    • Not all Emotions are Equal in their Impact
    • Empirical Analysis of Which Negative Emotions are the Best Predictors of the Demise of Relationships
      • Criticism, Defensiveness Stonewalling, Contempt
      Video Case Study
      • Introduction to the Couple Steve & Krista
      • Contempt: Looking Down on Someone From a Place of Superiority
      • Criticism: Attributing a Lasting Negative Trait to Someone
        • Antidote to Criticism & Contempt
          • Don’t Describe Your Partner; Describe Yourself Using Feeling Statements
          • “I feel” and “I need”
          • For Contempt, Build a Culture of Appreciation
          • Say Positive Things about Your Partner
          • Notice What They’re Doing Right
          • Be Grateful
      Criticism & Defensiveness
      • Counterproductive Defensive Responses to Criticism
        • Counterattack Criticism
        • “You Always, You Never” Criticism
        • The Key is to Describe Yourself; Take Responsibility
      • Therapist’s Response to Criticism & Defensiveness
        • Stop the Interaction
        • Point out the Horsemen
        • Define The Horsemen
        • Discuss the Research
        • Provide the Antidote
      • Contempt as the Most Corrosive of Love Health & the Best Predictor of Relationship Demise
      Gottman Rapport Intervention
      • Premise: Postponing Problem Solving, Persuasion, or Advise Until Able to State the Other’s Position
        • People Must Be Calm in order to do this
      • Speaker Role
        • Gentle Start-up
        • No Attacking/Blaming
      • Listener Role:
        • Active & Compassionate Listening
        • Listening to Understand, Not Prove a Rebuttal
      • Goal of conflict Management: Mutual Understanding
      • Video Case Study
        • Validating is Not the Same as Agreeing
        • The Approach is Generally Well Received by Couples
      Dreams Within Conflict Intervention
      • Intervention Questions
        • What is this About for You?
        • What is the Existential Core?
        • Is There a Childhood Issue/History?
        • What is the Purpose or Meaning Behind Your Position?
      • Video Case Study
        • Goal: To Understand Our Partner’s Position
        • Coaching the Partner to Ask Questions Meets the Goal of Eliminating the Therapist
        • Without an Understanding of the Partner’s Feelings; you Won’t have a Full Understanding of Them
      • When Dreams are in Opposition
        • No Compromise
      Compromise Intervention
      • Video Case Study
      • Differences Between Inflexible (Non-Compromise) and the Flexible (Willing to Compromise) Tasks
        • Inflexible: The Ideal Dream/Core Need That if you Give it Up, You’re Giving Up Your Identity
        • Flexible: The “Who, What, Where, When, & Why” of Making the Compromise Happen
        • Sometimes an Inner circle Cannot Be Compromised On
          • Topics of Kids, Blended Families, Living in Separate Countries
          • May Result in Separation
        • Solvable Problems = Compromise
        • Perpetual Problems = Making Temporary Compromises & Revising Periodically

      Principle 8: Strengthen Friendship & Intimacy
      • Gottman’s Free Love Maps Card Deck Apps
        • Downloadable Forms
        • Card Decks (Gottman Institute)
        • Free apps Containing the Card Decks
      Friendship Interventions / What Kind of Friends Are the Couple
      3 Components of Friendship
      • Knowing Your Partner Intimately
      • Fondness & Admiration
      • Turning Towards vs. Turning Away From vs. Turning Against
      Love Maps
      • Video Case Study
        • Defining Knowing Who Your Partner is
        • How to Use the Love Maps Card Deck
        • Partners Answer Different Questions (More Dynamic)
      • How to Respond to the Differences in How Well Partners Know Each Other
        • Focus on the Dynamic Between Them (Rather than Blaming)
      • Range of Depth in Questions
        • Reflects the Levels/Complexities of the Partner
      • Couple/Partner Resistance to Love Map Questions
        • Managing the Exercises: In Session, As Homework, For a Brief Time Before Transitioning to Open-Ended Questions
      Open Ended Questions
      • Open-Ended Questions App
      • Differences Between Love Map & Open-Ended Questions
        • Love Map: Introduction, Simple, Shorter
        • Open-Ended: Much Longer, More In-Depth Answers, Deepens Partners Knowledge of the Other
      • Video Case Study
        • Both Partners Answer the Same Questions (More Depth)
        • Themes: Emptiness, Happiness, Black & White/All Good or All Bad Thinking
      • Good-Enough Therapy
        • Therapy as Collaborative Effort
        • Couples Bring the Depth to the Therapy Sessions
        • Work with the Interventions Based on Research
        • Follow Therapist Intuition
        • Direct Couple to Talk to Each Other vs. Talk to Therapist
          • Healthy Couples Talk to Each Other
          • Focus on Talking to Therapist
            • When Emotions Do Not Match Words
            • When One Partner Becomes Anxious, Stonewalls, or Shuts Downs
            • When There is a Turning Away or Turning Towards (Change in Body Posture)
      • The Stress Reducing Conversation
        • Discussing Stressors Occurring Outside of the Relationship
        • Turning Towards/Turning Away
      • Video Case Study
        • Overview
        • Steps to the Stress Reducing Conversation
          • Show Interest by Asking Partner Questions
          • Empathize (Making a Statement About Partner’s Feelings)
          • Take Your Partner’s Side
        • When Partner’s Resist Sharing Their Stress
          • Highlight the Human need to Receive & Give
          • Identify Where Partner Puts their Stress

      Principle 9: Dive Deep to Create Shared Meaning
      • Card Decks & Handouts
      Establishing a Stronger Bond
      • Doing Things Together
      • Establishing Meaning of Those Things
      • The Logistics of Making a Ritual (Based on the Works of William Doherty)
      Case Study: Rituals of Connection
      • 2 Card Decks
      • Fun & Play Deck
      • Rituals of Connection Deck
        • Establishing a Regular Time Where You Can Connect
        • Establishing a Time You Can Connect
        • Chose a Card to Build a Ritual of Connection Around that also Has Deep Meaning
        • How Were Things Done in Your Own Family
        • What You Would Like the Ritual to Look Like in Your Family
        • What Makes a Ritual Meaningful
        • Detailed Specific Questions Regarding How to make the Ritual a Reality
        • Rituals of Connection
      • Therapists Role
        • Manage Therapist’s Emotions
        • Stop Any Criticism
      Difference Between Creating Shared Meaning & Deepening Friendship
      • Friendship is Feeling Safe & Vulnerable Enough to Talk About What’s In One’s Heart.
        • Are You There for me?
        • Do you Know What I need?
        • Do I know What My Partner Needs?
      • Creating Shared Meaning Elevens the Relationship to a More Profound Level
        • What Makes Your life Worth Living
        • May Reflect Cultural, Religious, & Family Legacy Matters
        • Reflecting & Sharing Out Loud
        • Examples of Shared Meaning

      Principle 10: Suspend Moral Judgment When Treating Affairs
      Misconceptions About Affairs
      • Affairs Happen Because Partner is Searching for Romance/Self-Identity
      • Affairs Happen Due to a Desire for Sex
      • Happily Married Couples Have Affairs
      • The Truth: Affairs are the Result of Loneliness in Marriage
      • To Understand Affairs; We Must Understand Loyalty & Commitment
      The Stance/Internal World of Therapist
      • Take Judgment Out of the Session
      • Recognize that Couples Make Choices
        • Voice their Discontent
        • Shut Down Their Feelings
        • Seek Out a New Partners
      • Recognize that the Conditions Leading to Affairs are a Series of Steps
        • Romance
        • Conflict
        • Avoidance of Conflict
        • Disengagement/Distance
          • Vulnerability to Affairs
      • Have Compassion for Both Partners
        • Betrayed Partner May be Suffering from PTSD
        • Betrayer Partner Often Has Great Guilt/Shame
      Three Step Process for Treating Affairs
      • Atone
        • Betrayed Partner Can Ask Any Question They Want
        • Betrayed Partner Expresses Their Feelings & How They’ve Been Hurt w/o Blaming
        • Betrayer Partner Hears Partner’s Feelings
        • Betrayer Partner Answers Questions with Transparency
        • Betrayer Partner Empathizes
        • Betrayer Partner Expresses Profound Remorse
      • Attune
        • Betrayed Partner Feels Better Because they Understand That Betrayer Partner Does Feel Guilt/Remorse
        • Evaluating What Went Wrong
        • Conflict Management
        • Creating Friendship & Shared Meaning
        • Rebuilding Physical Intimacy
      • Attach
        • Re-committing to One Another
        • Identifying How to Preserve the Commitment
        • Discussing Consequences Should an Affair Happen Again

      Hold the Hope
      Helping the Therapist to Hold the Hope for their Couple Clients
      • Recognize the Couple’s Resilience
      • Note Positive Memories Shared by the Couple
      • Know that Human Beings Will Surprise You
      • Reinforce Desired Behaviors
      • Recognize that Everyone Has Their Own Path
        • Ultimately the Outcome of Therapy Belongs to the Couple

      Tying It Together
      Outline of a Typical Session
      • Opening Question (e.g., “How Was Your Week?”)
      • Couple’s Response is What is at the Forefront of Their Minds
      • Therapist Provides Appropriate Interventions Based on Couple’s Response
      Dyadic vs. Triadic Treatment
      • Dyadic Places the Emphasis on Couples Talking to Each Other (Duplicates Real Life in the Office)
      • Triadic Places the Emphasis on Therapist’s Interpretations & Observations of the Couple
      • Exceptions to Dyadic Treatment
        • When a Partner is Unaware of How a Piece of Their History is Related to the Relationship Dynamics
        • When a Partner is Becoming Emotionally Triggered
        • When a Couple is in an Attack/Defend Patterns and Unable to Communicate Effectively Due to Flooding
      How to Minimize Relapse
      • Discuss Relapse Prevention in Treatment (e.g., “How Can We Make This Last All Week?”)
      • Emphasize the Need for Repair Throughout the Day, Week, Marriage
      Gottman Approach Appropriateness for Specific Problems
      • Addiction
        • Very Appropriate
        • Couples Work is Sometimes More Effective than Individual
        • Only 30% Success Rate Even with the Best Treatments
      • Personality Disorder
        • Appropriate; Challenging, but Possible
        • Be Aware that a Person May be Misdiagnosed
        • Empathy Interventions are the Most Difficult
        • Requires More of a Triadic Treatment
        • Treatment Takes Longer
        • Best to Understand Personality Disorders from the Inside
      • Gottman Approach is Not Appropriate
        • When There is Characterological Domestic Violence
        • When There is an Ongoing Affair
        • When a Partner is Actively Suicidal
        • When a Partner is Psychotic
      Cross Cultural Applicability
      • Happiness, Factors that Create a Great Sex Life, Emotion Coaching & Nature of Emotions are Universal
      • People Need Human Connection
      • More Research on the Topic is Needed
      Myths About the Gottman Approach
      • Behavioral Therapy Approach
      • Psychoeducational Approach
      • Reality: The Gottman Approach is Emotional, Physiological, Existential, Narrative, & Empirically Focused
      Creating Understanding and Expression of Emotions is a Central Feature

    [+] [-] 052523 - The 10 Principles of Effective Couples Therapy:
    • What is True About Couples?
    • Findings Regarding Friendship
    • Findings Regarding Conflict Management
    • The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
      • Criticism
      • Contempt
      • Defensiveness
      • Stonewalling
    • Characteristics of Creating Shared Meaning
    • Sound Relationship House Therapy
    • Principles of Doing Good Couples Therapy
    • How to Assess
      • Oral History
      • Questionnaires
      • Individual Assessments
      • Conflict Management
        • Skills
        • Interventions
    • Exercises
      • Love Map
      • Open-Ended Questions
      • Stress-Reducing Conversation
      • Rituals of Connection
      • Strengthening Sexual Intimacy
      • Creating Shared Meaning



    John Gottman, Ph.D., is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he established “The Love Lab” and conducted much of his award-winning research on couple interaction and treatment. Dr. Gottman has studied marriage, couples, and parent relationships for nearly four decades. He has authored or co-authored over 200 published articles and more than 40 books, including: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, The Relationship Cure, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting, and The Man’s Guide to Women.

    World renown for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. Gottman’s research has earned him numerous national awards, including: Four five-year-long National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Awards; The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy Distinguished Research Scientist Award; The American Psychological Association Division of Family Psychology Presidential Citation for Outstanding Lifetime Research Contribution; The National Council of Family Relations 1994 Burgess Award for Outstanding Career in Theory and Research.

    Dr. Gottman, together with his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, is the co-founder of The Gottman Institute, which provides clinical training, workshops, services, and educational materials for mental health professionals, couples, and families. He is also the co-founder and Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute which has created treatments for couples transitioning to parenthood and couples suffering from minor domestic violence.

    Dr. Gottman has presented hundreds of invited keynote addresses, workshops, and scientific presentations to avid audiences around the world including Switzerland, Italy, France, England, Israel, Turkey, South Korea, Australia, Canada, Sweden, and Norway. A wonderful storyteller and expert, Dr. Gottman has also appeared on many TV shows, including Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah, and he has been featured in numerous print articles, including Newsweek, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Glamour, Woman’s Day, Men’s Health, People, Self, Reader’s Digest, and Psychology Today.

    Speaker Disclosures:

    Financial: Dr. John Gottman is the co-owner of The Gottman Institute. He is an author and receives royalties.

    Non-financial: Dr. John Gottman has no relevant non-financial relationship to disclose.


    Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D., is the co-founder and President of The Gottman Institute, and Clinical Supervisor for the Couples Together Against Violence study. A highly respected clinical psychologist, she is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert advisor on marriage, sexual harassment and rape, domestic violence, gay and lesbian adoption, same-sex marriage, and parenting issues. Creator of the immensely popular The Art and Science of Love weekend workshops for couples, she also designed and leads the national certification program in Gottman Method Couples Therapy for clinicians. Her other achievements include: Washington State Psychologist of the Year; Author/co-author of five books, including, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, And Baby Makes Three, The Marriage Clinical Casebook, 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy, and The Man’s Guide to Women; Wide recognition for her clinical psychotherapy treatment, with specialization in distressed couples, abuse and trauma survivors, substance abusers and their partners, and cancer patients and their families.

    Inspiring, empowering, respectful, and kind, Julie’s leadership of The Gottman Institute has made it possible to identify and integrate the expertise of her staff, therapists, and the wider research and therapeutic community. Her commitment to excellence and integrity assures that as The Gottman Institute grows, it continues to maintain the highest ethical and scientific standards.

    She is in private practice in the Seattle area, providing intensive marathon therapy sessions for couples. She specializes in working with distressed couples, abuse and trauma survivors, those with substance abuse problems and their partners, as well as cancer patients and their families.

    Drs. John and Julie Gottman currently live on Orcas Island, near Seattle, Washington. They conduct weekly and intensive couples therapy sessions, provide small group retreats, teach workshops and clinical trainings, and give keynote presentations around the world.

    Speaker Disclosures:

    Financial: Julie Gottman is the co-owner of The Gottman Institute. He is an author and receives royalties.

    Non-financial: Julie Gottman has no relevant non-financial relationship to disclose.


    Dave Penner, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and was the Clinical Director of The Gottman Institute from 2005 to 2017. He is the author of the Leaders’ Guide for Teaching the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, based on teaching John Gottman’s Seven Principles book to couples for over a decade. From these experiences, he co-developed the Seven Principles for Couples Leader Training Program and has led workshops training clinicians and lay leaders in the Gottman Method in North America, Australia, Europe, and Asia.

    In his roles as the Clinical Director, Dr. Penner managed clinical aspects of the Institute, including providing consultation to Certified Gottman Therapists and clinicians in training; selecting and training consultants for clinicians pursuing certification; training and supervising video reviewers who certify therapists in the Gottman Method; training and supervising roving therapists at couples workshops; overseeing quality control of new programs and products; and answering clinical questions from clinicians, researchers, the media, and the public.

    Dave has practiced for over 35 years as an individual and couples therapist working in private practice, university, mental health and hospital settings.
    Continuing Education Credits Awarded for Completion of Entire Package
    [+] [-] Combined Continuing Education Credit From All Components
    Breakdown of Continuing Education Credits by Components
    [+] [-] 052516 - 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy
    [+] [-] 052523 - The 10 Principles of Effective Couples Therapy:
    Marriage and Family Therapists, Psychologists, Social Workers, Counselors, Nurses, Addiction Counselors